All A Matter Of Taste
by sesshywesshy
Summary: It all started when Miroku groped Sango. Again. And when Inuyasha took Kagome's iPod. Again. That triggered a whole set of events, which led to a MASSIVE FOOD FIGHT! Please read, it's better than it sounds.


Disclaimer: Nope. No Inuyasha-owning for me. :( oh well, you can't have everything you want.

A/N: I was having a slight bit of writers block with my other story, 'A World Of My Own', so I decided to let go a bit and write a humorous fanfic.

THIS FIC IS DEDICATED TO **Clouds of the Sky**, my first reviewer for my first Inuyasha story! Thanks to ya! You said you'd always wanted a food fight… of epic proportions.

Here it is. (The one in 'A World Of My Own' just didn't seem good enough :P)

Enjoy, and please review!

I repeat, PLEASE REVIEW!

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**A Taste of ...**

"HENTAIIIIII!"

The cry of a certain extremely angry youkai exterminator echoed through the small town.

"What has ye done this time?" Kaede interrogated Miroku as he staggered back into the tiny hut that the rest of the group was gathered in, looking extremely distressed and sporting a glowing red mark on his cheek.

"I was being nice and she decided to smack me silly." He complained to the old lady who was looking sternly at him.

"I seriously doubt that was the circumstances." Kagome reprimanded him. Miroku's being 'nice' wasn't exactly… nice.

"Yeah. Sango doesn't slap you if you're nice." Shippou jumped onto Kagome's knee.

Even Inuyasha had his two cents to add.

"You probably groped her… again." He turned back to the haunch of roasted meat he was currently gnawing on barbarically.

"Guys…" Miroku whined pleadingly with a pained look on his face as if he had just been put through extreme torture.

Just then, Sango stormed into the hut. If looks could kill, poor Miroku would've melted into a puddle of goop right then and there. Her glare promised imminent death- or at least pain. The houshi quivered involuntarily at the death gaze she was throwing at him before she huffed, turned away haughtily and marched herself over beside Kagome, seating herself regally on the mat.

"Houshi." She addressed him without looking at him.

"Y-yes, darling?" Miroku timidly answered his wife-to-be.

"Sit." She shot another glare at him, which made him drop immediately to the floor, adding a sore bottom to his list of painful body parts.

"Y'know, Sango…" Inuyasha broke off for a little while when he found a particularly tasty spot on his haunch of meat. Everybody waited in silence while the sound of his chewing and slurping filled the hut. Finally he licked his lips and continued.

"Ya shouldn't really treat your future husband so badly… After all, he's your fiancée, doesn't that mean he gets to grope you?"

Sango gave Inuyasha such a vehement glare that he dared to drop his haunch of meat and creep behind Kagome with worried looks in the exterminator's direction. Kagome, annoyed that he had she'd been used as a shield, swatted him upside the head and haughtily said

"Sit."

Inuyasha's head slammed full force onto the floor of the hut by the force of the command, and Sango, following up on her friend's attack, brought Hiraikotsu, her giant boomerang, down hard on the hanyou's back. Everybody winced as an audible cracking was heard. The two fuming girls, however, shuffled away from the distraught Inuyasha and continued eating their lunch as if nothing had happened.

Ah, yes, it was another normal day in the village.

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"Yes, my darling Sango… I love you."

His hand closed on the invisible wrist of the invisible person opposite him.

"I love you I love you I love you."

As he said that, he swung the invisible person around into a dance and started waltzing on the grass outside in the yard, moving slowly around in a circle, his back now facing the hut.

"Forever…"

He leaned in…

"What the hell are you doing, you sick bastard?"

Miroku looked up from his dance with 'Sango' (who was only thin air) and upon recognizing the voice, whipped his head around so quickly there was a loud cracking in his neck.

"Aaaghh.. Inuyasha…" He toppled onto the grass in all states of agony.

"Serves you right, Miroku. What _were_ you doing anyway?"

Even through the grass covering his face, Inuyasha could see his friends face reddening.

Came the slightly muffled answer of "Nothing!" from Miroku on the ground.

"Really?" Inuyasha bent down and let the evil intent seep into his voice. " It looked to me as if you were miming something… or… pretending something." He placed a hand carefully over the houshi's head and pushed it firmly into the ground. "Or someone." He finished with a small cackle.

"No-Nobody." Sputtered Miroku from a mouthful of dirt.

"Feh. Nobody my ass. Eat dirt, houshi." Inuyasha placed a bare foot on Miroku's head and pushed it again before strolling off, absentmindedly whistling the tune to 'So Happy Together'.

"Wait… Inuyasha?" Kagome stopped just as she came around the corner. "Where did you learn that tune from?"

The hanyou stopped flush in his tracks with a guilty look on his face and bolted. If Miroku, having just lifted his face from the mud, seen the flash of red haori, he would've thought Inuyasha had disappeared into thin air… with a puff of smoke, like cartoon characters. Speaking of cartoon characters… what _were_ those yellow birdies he saw circling around his own head?

He slumped into the ground again in a dead faint.

"YOU IDIOT!" Kagome was rushing after the fleeing Inuyasha. "YOU'VE BEEN LISTENING TO MY IPOD HAVEN'T YOU!!" She shrieked, gaining on him rapidly, her speed fuelled by immense rage. Kagome considered her iPod precious beyond all things and was going to kill Inuyasha for even laying a finger on it, not to mention stuffing the earphones into those dog ears of his!

They both disappeared around the fence, though deranged shrieks from the furious Kagome could still be heard.

Miroku, on the grass, made a seamless transition from faint to sleep, and started snoring ever so gently.

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"Where _are_ those three?" Sango stood impatiently in the middle of the hut, tapping her foot. She didn't care that she was obstructing Kaede's way around the hut when making dinner, she was caught up in wondering _where the hell her friends were._

Just then, speak of the devil, Kagome and Inuyasha rushed in and all around the hut, managing to knock over several bowls and one pot of hot soup (there was a howl of pain from Inuyasha) before storming back out again in a number of milliseconds.

"_There _they are." Sango, relieved, stepped out of the hut only to find herself shoved to one side by a desperate Inuyasha as he let out a rather girly scream before taking off in the direction of the storerooms. Sango gave him a glare before proceeding forwards again. Before she had even set foot on the ground again, though, she was knocked over by Kagome. Sango stared on disbelievingly as her friend let out an insane roar and proceeded to barrel her way over to the storehouses whereupon there emitted several loud and dangerous sounding crashes from within.

The youkai exterminator could only stumble over and peek in through the doorway, hands held protectively over her forehead lest anything be thrown at it. It was lucky that she was prepared, because the moment she stuck her head in, what looked, resembled but certainly didn't _smell_ like a vanilla pudding smashed into her hands. Perhaps curdled yoghurt or something, she thought as she wiped the pungent slop off on the walls of the hut. Just as she was doing so, a large loaf of bread bounced off her head, followed by several jars of pickled vegetables, which, luckily, she managed to dodge. They smashed against the hut walls and the smell grew even worse.

Just as she turned to face the battling pair, who were hurling different foods and inanimate objects at each other, a basket of apples came flying her way. Apples rained down on her, but, luckily, she managed to whip Hiraikotsu out and block them at the last moment. Phew. Those could've caused a few bruises, she mused, stepping over the remains. Stopping to survey the scene in front of her, she could see that Kagome and Inuyasha both sported very … stylish patterns on their clothes. There were bits of noodles, soups and different sauces splattered haphazardly across each of their shirts and pants (in Kagome's case a skirt), and – ew, was that _beef jerky?_ – they both looked _quite_ dashing.

She lifted up Hiraikotsu to stop a poorly aimed barrage of tomatoes, which squished against her poor boomerang and slid downward, making pitiful squelching noises.

Enough was _ENOUGH!_

Sango snapped, and, tossing Hiraikotsu to one side (several loud crashes ensued), she let out her trademark battle cry, which turned both Inuyasha and Kagome's heads. They watched in a mixture of horror and amazement as their friend, suddenly acquiring insane strength, hefted two huge baskets of dried fruits, one in each hand and tossed them one after another in _their _general direction.

They kinda forgot to dodge.

Prunes pelted Kagome everywhere, as did dried apricots and all other forms of preserved fruits. As for Inuyasha, he was jumping around to rid himself of the raisins that had stubbornly lodged themselves in his hair. But Sango wasn't done yet.

Turning, she grabbed a gigantic packet of ramen left behind from Kagome (those kinds of mega-ultra huge packets, y'know? :P), tore it open – Inuyasha let out a whimper to see his favourite food being mutilated – and hurled bits of dried ramen at the two of them.

Kagome ducked and covered her head with her hands in a pathetic attempt to dodge all the bits. Inuyasha used a different tactic and opened his mouth wider than Sango ever though possible, gulping down the ramen faster than it came, swallowing them with a satisfied grin.

That got her pissed. Really, really pissed. Not only did he have to eat all that good-quality ramen she flung at him, he had the nerve to go and _mock_ her about it? With an animalistic growl, she lifted a bowl of odd-smelling jelly and threw it at him. Inuyasha saw it coming and attempted to dodge, but it seemed that the jelly had the freaky ability to turn in midair, and it did so in a graceful curve, splashing directly on his haori. Flecks of it got on his face, but he quickly wiped them off and stared in dismay at his red outfit.

His _favourite_ red outfit.

Actually, all of them looked the same, but he ignored that fact.

He was about to grab a handful of smoked fish and fling it back at Sango when Kagome barrelled into him, far from forgetting the mutilation of her iPod. Apparently she had gotten to the fish before he had, he mused as he got a fistful of smoked salmon in his face. It tasted rather good, actually, but he wasn't about to tell her that. She was bound to be able to find something that tasted worse. Much, much worse. He wouldn't put it past her to feed him mud.

The thought almost made him shiver.

But he didn't shiver, because he believed in being macho.

But he was far from macho.

Or at least that was what Sango thought as she joined Kagome in the very enjoyable game of Lets-Stuff-Inuyasha's-Face-With-Crap.

And it was then that Miroku entered the room.

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Miroku had awoken to find that he had managed to amass quite a puddle of drool next to his mouth. Hurriedly wiping it off to avoid any further embarrassment (other than fainting in the yard, that is), he headed off to find his beloved Sango.

Stumbling towards the hut and attempting to fix his robes at the same time (quite a feat for him :P), he had heard several extremely loud roars emitting from the storeroom, followed by many crashes and dangerous-sounding thumps. He cackled (yes, Miroku _cackled_) and whipped several ofuda from his sleeves, intending to whip over there, eradicate what he figured was a youkai, and still make it back to the hut for dinner.

He stalked towards the storeroom, staff and ofuda held at the ready, and ducked behind the doorway. When he felt the time was right, he leapt into the room with an extremely high and girly battle yell, swinging his staff and flinging the ofuda into the air.

Unfortunately, like most pieces of light paper with weird scribbles on them, the ofuda simply caught a slight breeze and blew back in his face, then drifted slowly down to land on the already cluttered (not to mention quite filthy) floor.

And three very surprised people stared at a very surprised monk.

"What the hell?" Inuyasha was the first to speak.

"What the hell?" Kagome followed up, a shocked look still on her face.

"What the-" Sango followed up that with a string of profanities that could have peeled paint.

"P-peaches." Was all Miroku could stammer, having seen a basket of it behind Sango.

"Ah.. peaches." There was a nasty glint in Sango's eyes, and he didn't quite like the feel of it.

Faster than anybody could react, the youkai exterminator reached behind her and grabbed a peach, proceeding to fling it straight into the houshi's face. Needless to say, he wasn't too happy. Yes, they were delicious and of course they were sweet but there were _pits _in these things.

And it _hurt_ when they were thrown into your face.

So of course, he retaliated.

Miroku put aside his staff and took off the baggy outer robes of his outfit, tossing them into a corner. He then rolled up the sleeves of his shirt.

After that, he cast around for anything to throw at the youkai exterminator, finding…

Ooh… dried fish.

So of course that was what he hurled into his fiancé's face, and she threw a large piece of dried meat at him, and he returned fire with several small but hard dried cranberries, which she brushed aside like they were nothing and managed to heave a huge pot of soup in his general direction.

But only his _general _direction.

Miroku was about to throw something back at Sango when he spotted his opponent – not to mention Kagome and Inuyasha as well – staring with slack-jawed disbelief at something that appeared to be behind him. Nervous, he whipped around and just caught himself from laughing at the dismal sight that greeted his eyes.

Sesshoumaru was standing in the doorway (he has both arms, okay?), one hand on the doorframe and the other gripping his sword hilt, dripping with soup.

He responded to this attack not by eradicating all of their pitiful lives with Tokijin, surprisingly, but by setting aside his weapons and Rin (who had been shielded from the soup since she was standing behind him), and stepping into the room.

Immediately, he went into the offensive mode. His height allowed him advantages and so, leaning upwards, he snatched a side of bacon hanging from the ceiling and smote Inuyasha a mighty blow in the side.

Gracefully dodging an attack of sausages from Kagome, he swat her aside with a leg of lamb, and cleft Miroku's defence of meatballs in two (I was almost considering putting 'cleft in twain' but decided not to :P).

Sango came up and managed to strike not only one, but _two_ blows on the mighty youkai with a bunch of grapes that were all but destroyed in the end. Sesshoumaru sidestepped the third blow and plonked a basket of biscuits on her head, leaving all of his opponents helpless and floundering in a sea of food. (FOOD! YUM! –Readers pelt author to death with blueberries for fantasizing about food in this suspenseful moment in the story XD)

All this commotion attracted Naraku.

And so started the battle of the titans.

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Kaede was wondering when the young people were going to come back and eat her soup. She had mopped up the mess that hanyou and Kagome had made, but nobody had returned to the hut since.

Getting to her feet – and grumbling about tardiness – she walked out the door and headed towards where they all seemed to have gathered. The storerooms. She figured that because there were weird crashes and noises coming from within. Chaos followed them everywhere, she thought, shaking her head disapprovingly.

And she was about to see exactly how right she was.

Naraku and Sesshoumaru had started a food fight unto the death in the middle of the old lady's storeroom.

Sesshoumaru charged, Naraku dodged, swiped, and Sesshoumaru parried. A boiled cabbage bounced off Naraku's head and he let out a rather feminine shriek of fury and retaliated by sending sardines at Sesshoumaru, where they lodged in his furry pelt. The infuriated inu-youkai proceeded to send a barrage of puddings at Naraku, and a few caught the half-youkai in an embrace of warm and sloppy sludge. Shaking off the remnants of dessert, an assortment of jellies were sent flying towards Sesshoumaru, who dipped his claws in some soup and swung an arc of 'soup blades' towards Naraku.

The lethal soup sliced off a lock of Naraku's hair, and he let out an even louder and even more girly scream that rattled the walls of the storeroom. Then he hefted a bucket of fish and tossed it at Sesshoumaru, where it hit him in the chest and made him stagger backwards a step or two. This angered the great youkai and with a cry of

"THIS SESSHY!"

said youkai flung lots of eggs at Naraku, and they splattered all over his clothes.

Clothes turned out to be Naraku's weak point. He was really very vain - as one can see from how he reacted to the assault on his hair. He broke down sobbing into the sleeves of his haori, and departed in a puff of miasma.

Sesshoumaru let out the one and only gleeful cackle he had ever uttered in his long and fruitful life, and he too left, rising away on a cloud.

Severely traumatised Inuyasha, Kagome, Sango and Miroku were left moaning and half-conscious on the floor of the storeroom, where Kaede found them several seconds later as she staggered into the hut, thinking about how old age was getting to her.

Kikyo wisely stayed away from the Great Food Fight Of Sengoku Jidai, because the dead souls inside her had informed her that they did not like jelly.

It was lucky that Kaede had not kept any sake in her storeroom, or the story would have ended differently.

Very, very differently.

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A/N: THE END!

I hope you enjoyed that :D I had the TIME OF MY LIFE writing it, and I mean it. Inspiration struck me sometime between dinner and the shower, and I rushed to write it. Now I have sore fingers but I am greatly satisfied with myself.

I only wish it could've been longer, but one can only think up of that many foods. :D

THANK YOU FOR READING AND

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

I don't get why some people cannot be bothered to take a minute to offer some compliments or some advise. That's why I'm asking you to please consider pressing the little button and writing a few words.

SesshyWesshy


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